18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
02/03/2020
Humour to start your day!31/12/2014
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to my darling husband...
We were checking in for our international flight, when my husband turned to me and said, “Darn, I should have packed the piano!” I turned to him and replied, ” Are you crazy? What’s that supposed to mean?” He replies sheepishly, “I forgot the passports on top of the piano!”
One day a man went to an auction. There, he found an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he went higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after bidding much more than he had intended, he finally won. The bird was his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot isn't defective. I'd hate to pay this much money only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Of course he can talk," said the auctioneer. "Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
so here are two jokes that he may like to comment on...
We were checking in for our international flight, when my husband turned to me and said, “Darn, I should have packed the piano!” I turned to him and replied, ” Are you crazy? What’s that supposed to mean?” He replies sheepishly, “I forgot the passports on top of the piano!”
One day a man went to an auction. There, he found an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he went higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after bidding much more than he had intended, he finally won. The bird was his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot isn't defective. I'd hate to pay this much money only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Of course he can talk," said the auctioneer. "Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
13/04/2014
Friendship is a blessing ...
Today I went to EMA airport to pick up our French friends
coming from La Gironde. They brought us a lovely weather,
it was sunny all day. After the chef Etienne bbq,
we went for a walk by the canal and Shugborough.
They found the bridge there quite quaint and different!
The birds were devouring the seeds happily.
Tomorrow, we are off to Birmingham for a change of scenery,
from the quiet rural place where we live to a busy and hectic town.
I told them that I know a vintage place not far from the centre and
hopefully they will find some souvenirs to take back to their loved ones.
I am glad that Oceane has accepted to be a translator too!
You can guess who is the one not bothering speaking French at all! lol
Have a blessed evening. N.
24/10/2013
Dancing with Matt?
At the beginning of the week, my hubby asked me where is Matt? I was pretty busy and kind of said, err who is Matt? and got on with what I was doing. Finally Steve sent me the link to the video and the question is actually, where the hell is Matt! Don't ask me why..Just enjoy because after a while, when you start watching the video, you just want to laugh! Hope it's not just me!
A bit of background found on the site:
Matt mostly just danced in front of iconic landmarks, but along the way he went to a country called Rwanda, and since there aren't any landmarks in Rwanda that you'd want to dance in front of, instead he just went to a small village and danced with a bunch of kids. The kids joined him immediately and without hesitation. That ended up being the best thing that happened to him on the trip. The kids taught him that people are a whole lot more interesting than old landmarks and monuments.
Matt went back to Stride and told them he did it all wrong and they needed to send him around the planet again. They said, "Okay," and in 2008 he put out another video that showed thousands of people laughing, smiling, and goofing around together. It took him five years and three tries, but he finally got it right that time.
The internet exploded. Matt briefly went from quasi-famous to not-entirely-un-famous. Visa hired him to do his dance in a series of TV ads that air across Asia and the Middle East, which introduced him to a thing called "Business Class," and meant he didn't have to worry so much about money anymore. He settled down with Melissa in Seattle, Washington and bought a house.
04/10/2013
Goat for dinner
The young couple invited their aged pastor for Sunday dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster.
"I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
Faithful with much
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| Faithful With Much |
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t a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony."I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:
I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
14/07/2012
Who edits your church bulletin?
I write the church bulletin each week. Last week by complete accident instead of putting in "Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages" I wrote: "This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages."
Another time I was supposed to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell."
Needless to say that now my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out in church.
~Linda
Another time I was supposed to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell."
Needless to say that now my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out in church.
~Linda
Photo Justin Thomas
21/06/2012
A bit of humour...
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, the Almighty.He asks one of his new students to stand and…..
Prof: So you believe in God?
... Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes..
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Prof: So you believe in God?
... Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes..
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Prof: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil? (Student does not answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture the after becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat..But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light…..But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought.. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir… The link between man & God is FAITH . That is all that keeps things moving & alive.The student was none other than APJ Abdul Kalam, the former President of India.
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil? (Student does not answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture the after becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat..But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light…..But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought.. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir… The link between man & God is FAITH . That is all that keeps things moving & alive.The student was none other than APJ Abdul Kalam, the former President of India.
02/06/2012
24/11/2011
Humour!
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
29/09/2011
The Green thing!
In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."
He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief, not a screen the size of the state of Montana.
In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
The Green Thing
Thy shall not live beyond thy means.
20/05/2011
A humorous e-mail!
05/02/2011
Heaven
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday"
"That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points"
"Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church"
"Well, let's see," answers Peter, "that's worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?"
"Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's certainly worth a point, " he says.
"hmmm...," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
"THREE POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"
"Come on in!"
Hubby did not particularly find this funny. Could it be because since the beginning of they year he's had to take five funerals and there are more to come! There are more, worse and better here. Do you have a favourite joke? Let us know! Blessings. N
26/04/2010
A bit of fun!
30/06/2009
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